personal health update

There’s nothing that can throw a wrench into life like a sudden cancer diagnosis. I got mine at 3:44pm on Thursday, July 16 while recycling clay during open studio time. My Dr. called me and read off the report from biopsy earlier that week. I walked back into the studio, white as a ghost, took a heavy sigh, and finished out my shift. What or where else would I want to be than in my studio, surrounded by my students? 

About two months ago I figured I would get my annual fitness exam out of the way, so I called to schedule. The drs office didn’t have an appointment available for a month and a half so I said, “you know, I’ve just been having some weird feelings in my throat. Like difficultly swallowing and discomfort”. That was enough to get an appointment a few days later with another Dr. At that meeting we discussed what I though it could be, allergies, but my dr suggested that it could be my thyroid. She called for some bloodwork(which came back normal), and to be safe, scheduled an ultrasound. That ultrasound was scheduled a month out. 

Life went on, and as many of you know, I was in the middle of closing on our new studio space. Not only the biggest purchase of my life, but the vessel of my lifelong dream as an arts educator and community builder. 

My ultrasound took place on June 26th. The technician told me there were quite a few nodules found, but that they were relatively common. I left not really thinking anything different or having concern. 

We closed on the new building on June 29th and hit the ground running. Painting, tree removal, flooring install, sewer repairs, gallery move and install. 

At the same time, my wife took a new job that started us on new health care for July 1. It felt great to have a much better plan than our previous private insurance one. 

On Friday, July 3rd at 4:55pm I got the report back from my ultrasound. Thanks to chat gpt translating it for me, I got my first sense of panic and dread. All nodules were concerning, but it also showed a nearby lymph node had micro calcification, which is concerning for metastasis. My drs office got back to me on the following Tuesday(After me freaking out at them on the phone on Monday), and they sent in a referral for a biopsy sometime that week(because of the change of insurance, this overly complicated everything). I was able to schedule the biopsy for Monday, July 13. That wasn’t fun, but went rather smoothly. It was concerning to me that all injections were right in the areas where I had been noticing discomfort. Never pain. Just annoying discomfort or a dull ache. 

At this point, everyone in the medical field is talking about surgery, not as an if, but when. Hopefully precautionary, but possibly reactionary. My voice was hoarse all week as I waiting for the results. When that call came, I already knew the Drs answer. All nodules and the lymph node came back positive for thyroid cancer. Cue shocked panic back in the studio, and unfortunately there were a few student that were present to have to deal with me in this state. 

The results are that I will have my thyroid removed, along with any affected lymph nodes, very, very soon. The positives with this is that thyroid cancer is usually pretty contained, and with medication, normal life can resume soon after, and last a very long time. 

Throughout this whole process, my first and only concern has been, “the studio(s)”. How is this going to work, how long will I be out, how many classes might I need to cancel. What about the new build? Holy shit, I am paying both a mortgage and rent right now, and there is still so much to do before our lease is up! But the reality is, none of this exists if I don’t take care of myself first. There will be hiccups, hurdles and headaches. All will be resolved with time. My student community has already spoken up with requests to help in any way possible. As a facilitator of this community, I’m used to caring for all of you, not the other way around. The love I felt in one shift, in my greatest moment of panic, was already almost too rich to accept. I thank you all who are a part of my life, my journey, and now my struggle. I greatly accept your calls for support, in what ever way that can be. I’m certainly scared, yet incredibly hopeful that the other side of this is filled with lots of joyous and creative moments. 

-Joshua